I was that party girl. That one friend that everyone has who gets the party started or takes it to a different level. Okay maybe I wasn't THAT big of a party girl but I was a little. I was a college student who had a part time job and when I was not working or in class I was with my friends going to parties, clubs, concerts, and bars. I lived with my parents but several of my friends lives on their own and quote often I would crash at their places on the weekends.
My boyfriend at the time was between jobs and taking a break from college. But he was my best friend and we did everything together.
After finding out I was pregnant I got a little more serious in my studies at achool. I changed majors from something I wanted to do to something that was faster to obtain and in more demand. I also took work more seriously now that I needed it for more than gas money and money for text books.
And of course I had to stop drinking, smoking cigarettes, and getting more sleep. All of which kind of translated to me not hanging out with my friends at all except for special occasions.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, did not make any life changes at all. He continued to hang out with his friends every day, drinking, smoking cigarettes, he even went camping twice during my 3rd trimester leaving me behind. He saw my pregnancy as his last 9 months to be... well, a kid.
He never went back to school and he looked for work but passed up a few opportunities because he felt they didn't pay well enough or that the job was beneath him. This caused many arguments between us because I thought anything was better than nothing.
My boyfriend went to every doctors appointment, and helped create baby regiatry, he helped pick my daughter's name, and was there for the baby shower. He was happy to be a dad but didn't seem to act like a dad... not yet at least. My biggest fear was that he never would, and that raising a family would be all up to me.
So, I decided to rely on myself to take care of my family. It took a few years but I finally got into my career and shortly afterward my boyfriend got into his. Over that time I lost friends, and gained family; something that I had previously taken for granted.
5 years after our first, I was pregnant with our second. My boyfriend-now-husband and I both agree that the pregnancy was easier on our relationship. I'm sure that it was because we had already grown up and gone through the parenthood transition.
My advice to any first time parent about the parenthood transition is to expect a big change. Friends who don't have children may no longer relate to you, your partner may not truly understand what you are going through and may not relate to you, and if that is the case your partner may not grow up until after the baby is born. And as sad and frustrating that may make you, you have to have faith; in yourself and in your partner.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Saturday, March 28, 2015
It's Not So Cute
When I first found out I was pregnant I was a size 7. That's like a size Medium, right? I wasn't fat, I wasn't thin, I was average and proportionate. To be honest I thought I was hot stuff. I would get my hair and nails done on the regular and I never went anywhere without my make-up.
I kept up my cute charade up until the end of my 1st trimester when the morning sickness got to be too much. I felt so sick that my hair and make up seemed like a waste of time since I was hunched over a toilet so often. It alao made me break out with acne more than usual. So that stopped.
Then the weight gain hit mid 2nd semester and none of my clothes fit. I had to buy maternity clothes and for some reason maternity clothes were not flattering on my body.
During the 3rd trimesterling my legs and feet were swollen and I recall almost always being gassy. Also at that time the morning sickness had been traded for heartburn. Lastly, i had stopped getting my hair and nails done for fear of inhaling harmful chemicals.
So when I look back at the few pictures of myself during my pregnancy, all I see is a fat, frumpy, unkempt, and uncomfortable pregnant me.
I recall talking to some friends who were also first time moms, all of this is natural. They had all gone through the similar things. But I was skeptical. When I got pregnant the 2nd time I tried a little harder. I wanTed to try harder to have that fairy-tale pregnancy because I knew what to expect and I was older. But truth be told, no matter how much effort I put into trying to look cute the end result was the same. 3rd trimester I was frumpy, unkempt, and uncomfortable... the only difference was that the 2nd time around I actually embraced it.
I was okay with it and actually glad to not have to care about my looks. Pregnancy is exhausting on its own and trying to stay cute was even more exhausting.
Now there were times when getting all done up would make me feel a little better and it may be that way for many but I just want women to understand that if trying to keep up your appearance is becoming exhausting, it's okay to let it go. We shouldn't stress about our looks during this time.
I kept up my cute charade up until the end of my 1st trimester when the morning sickness got to be too much. I felt so sick that my hair and make up seemed like a waste of time since I was hunched over a toilet so often. It alao made me break out with acne more than usual. So that stopped.
Then the weight gain hit mid 2nd semester and none of my clothes fit. I had to buy maternity clothes and for some reason maternity clothes were not flattering on my body.
During the 3rd trimesterling my legs and feet were swollen and I recall almost always being gassy. Also at that time the morning sickness had been traded for heartburn. Lastly, i had stopped getting my hair and nails done for fear of inhaling harmful chemicals.
So when I look back at the few pictures of myself during my pregnancy, all I see is a fat, frumpy, unkempt, and uncomfortable pregnant me.
I recall talking to some friends who were also first time moms, all of this is natural. They had all gone through the similar things. But I was skeptical. When I got pregnant the 2nd time I tried a little harder. I wanTed to try harder to have that fairy-tale pregnancy because I knew what to expect and I was older. But truth be told, no matter how much effort I put into trying to look cute the end result was the same. 3rd trimester I was frumpy, unkempt, and uncomfortable... the only difference was that the 2nd time around I actually embraced it.
I was okay with it and actually glad to not have to care about my looks. Pregnancy is exhausting on its own and trying to stay cute was even more exhausting.
Now there were times when getting all done up would make me feel a little better and it may be that way for many but I just want women to understand that if trying to keep up your appearance is becoming exhausting, it's okay to let it go. We shouldn't stress about our looks during this time.
Great Expectations
I think that all new mom's have this vision of what their pregnancy is going to be like. We all have that vision of the perfect, fairy tale-like pregnancy where we exercise to keep fit, we eat healthy all 9 months, we gain the 25 lbs that the baby books and doctors reccomend, and that our partner goes to ALL of the doctor's appointments.
Unfortunately the dream does not come true for many, and that is okay! Really, it is okay!
Sure, everyone knows what to expect when expecting: hormonal changes, stretch marks, weight gain, mood swings... but no one ever explains to what extent. Yes, every person is different so the severity may be different for each person, but here is a basic list of things I wish people would have told me about pregancy.
* stretch marks can appear everywhere! Butt cheeks, thighs, breasts, arms etc.
* prenatal vitamins taste horrible and may even provoke your morning sickness. They are also the hardest thing to remember to do every day.
* morning sickness can strike at any time of the day!
* you will only have 3 emotions throughout all nine months: extremely happy, extremely sad, and enraged.
* You may have to go to some doctors appointments alone. There will be alot of them, especially towards the end, in fact you may even get tired of going to them too.
* You will feel fat! You do eat more and may get the full and lethargic feeling quite often. Even if you eat healthy all pregnancy long, gaining the recommended 25 pounds is still a big change to your body and will weigh you down.
* Around month 8 you will be "so over" being pregnant. And at that point it isn't anticipation for meeting your baby, its for the sake of getting your energy and your body back to normal.
* The thought of exercising will make you tired.
* No one else is truly going through what you are going through so you will often feel alone.
I feel horizon for saying all of these but these are some of the ugly truths of pregnancy. Not everyone will experience all of these but for anyone who experiences ANY of these I just want them to know that it's okay. Things do not always go as planned or hoped but the most important thing is your help and the health of the baby. Trust me things will get better.
Unfortunately the dream does not come true for many, and that is okay! Really, it is okay!
Sure, everyone knows what to expect when expecting: hormonal changes, stretch marks, weight gain, mood swings... but no one ever explains to what extent. Yes, every person is different so the severity may be different for each person, but here is a basic list of things I wish people would have told me about pregancy.
* stretch marks can appear everywhere! Butt cheeks, thighs, breasts, arms etc.
* prenatal vitamins taste horrible and may even provoke your morning sickness. They are also the hardest thing to remember to do every day.
* morning sickness can strike at any time of the day!
* you will only have 3 emotions throughout all nine months: extremely happy, extremely sad, and enraged.
* You may have to go to some doctors appointments alone. There will be alot of them, especially towards the end, in fact you may even get tired of going to them too.
* You will feel fat! You do eat more and may get the full and lethargic feeling quite often. Even if you eat healthy all pregnancy long, gaining the recommended 25 pounds is still a big change to your body and will weigh you down.
* Around month 8 you will be "so over" being pregnant. And at that point it isn't anticipation for meeting your baby, its for the sake of getting your energy and your body back to normal.
* The thought of exercising will make you tired.
* No one else is truly going through what you are going through so you will often feel alone.
I feel horizon for saying all of these but these are some of the ugly truths of pregnancy. Not everyone will experience all of these but for anyone who experiences ANY of these I just want them to know that it's okay. Things do not always go as planned or hoped but the most important thing is your help and the health of the baby. Trust me things will get better.
Keepin it Clean
I had gotten pregnant when I was 21, and even though I wasn't a teenage mom I still had alot of growing up to do. My life consisted of college, a part time job, and partying with friends.
Amen I first found out I was pregnant I was very excited and remember thinking "this is going to be great, babies are so cute and fun, and I'm going to have one of my own." I knew that I would need to stop paying and grow up to provide for my little bundle of joy... but that was kind of a given.
And through my pregnancy all I ever heard were words of encouragement and how amazing children are. Only every now and then would someone tell me how "hard" it COULD be. Looking back at it now I just wish someone would have told me the truth.
The ugly truth that no one tells new mom's in fear of either making them cry or changing their minds about parenthood all together.
I have 2 children now and have come to terms with those ugly truths. Many other moms that I talk to have as well. So I'm going to clear the air on some stuff. I hope, no... I pray that some mom's don't have to encounter ALL of these truths, but if you do, trust me... it's okay.
Amen I first found out I was pregnant I was very excited and remember thinking "this is going to be great, babies are so cute and fun, and I'm going to have one of my own." I knew that I would need to stop paying and grow up to provide for my little bundle of joy... but that was kind of a given.
And through my pregnancy all I ever heard were words of encouragement and how amazing children are. Only every now and then would someone tell me how "hard" it COULD be. Looking back at it now I just wish someone would have told me the truth.
The ugly truth that no one tells new mom's in fear of either making them cry or changing their minds about parenthood all together.
I have 2 children now and have come to terms with those ugly truths. Many other moms that I talk to have as well. So I'm going to clear the air on some stuff. I hope, no... I pray that some mom's don't have to encounter ALL of these truths, but if you do, trust me... it's okay.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)