Growing Up is Hard to Do

   I was that party girl. That one friend that everyone has who gets the party started or takes it to a different level. Okay maybe I wasn't THAT big of a party girl but I was a little. I was a college student who had a part time job and when I was not working or in class I was with my friends going to parties, clubs, concerts, and bars. I lived with my parents but several of my friends lives on their own and quote often I would crash at their places on the weekends.

   My boyfriend at the time was between jobs and taking a break from college. But he was my best friend and we did everything together.

  After finding out I was pregnant I got a little more serious in my studies at achool. I changed majors from something I wanted to do to something that was faster to obtain and in more demand. I also took work more seriously now that I needed it for more than gas money and money for text books.

   And of course I had to stop drinking, smoking cigarettes, and getting more sleep.  All of which kind of translated to me not hanging out with my friends at all except for special occasions.

   My boyfriend, on the other hand, did not make any life changes at all. He continued to hang out with his friends every day, drinking, smoking cigarettes, he even went camping twice during my 3rd trimester leaving me behind. He saw my pregnancy as his last 9 months to be... well, a kid.

   He never went back to school and he looked for work but passed up a few opportunities because he felt they didn't pay well enough or that the job was beneath him. This caused many arguments between us because I thought anything was better than nothing.

   My boyfriend went to every doctors appointment, and helped create baby regiatry, he helped pick my daughter's name, and was there for the baby shower. He was happy to be a dad but didn't seem to act like a dad... not yet at least. My biggest fear was that he never would, and that raising a family would be all up to me.

  So, I decided to rely on myself to take care of my family. It took a few years but I finally got into my career and shortly afterward my boyfriend got into his. Over that time I lost friends, and gained family; something that I had previously taken for granted.

  5 years after our first,  I was pregnant with  our second. My boyfriend-now-husband and I both agree that the pregnancy was easier on our relationship. I'm sure that it was because we had already grown up and gone through the parenthood transition.

  My advice to any first time parent about the parenthood transition is to expect a big change. Friends who don't have children may no longer relate to you, your partner may not truly understand what you are going through and may not relate to you, and if that is the case your partner may not grow up until after the baby is born. And as sad and frustrating that may make you, you have to have faith; in yourself and in your partner.